Steven Bradshaw

Tag: church

  • Peace and Gratitude: How Gospel Community Changes Everything

    When we think about church, it’s easy to imagine it as a building, a service, or a weekly obligation. But Paul reminds us in Colossians 3 that the church is meant to be much more than that. It’s a community shaped by the Gospel: a living, breathing, messy, beautiful family of people learning to live together under the rule of Christ’s peace.

    Paul writes, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.” (Col. 3:15) That’s not just a nice suggestion. It’s a bold call to action for every believer.

    Peace Guides Our Unity

    The word Paul uses for “rule” is powerful. It’s the same word used for an umpire calling the game. In other words, Christ’s peace is the ultimate referee in our relationships. When conflicts arise, when opinions clash, when personalities rub against each other, His peace is the final authority. It tells us when to hold our tongue, when to step forward, and when to choose reconciliation over pride.

    Peace is not passive. It’s active, intentional, and Gospel-driven. It flows out of knowing we’ve been forgiven, loved, and chosen by God. And it’s what makes a body of believers more than a group of individuals—it makes us one.

    Gratitude Warms the Fellowship

    Paul doesn’t leave us without a tool to help keep peace in place: gratitude. “And be thankful,” he says. Gratitude is more than politeness or saying thanks. It is a posture of the heart that shapes the culture of a church.

    Grateful people overlook small offenses. Grateful people encourage one another. Grateful people notice God’s work in the ordinary moments of life. A church filled with gratitude becomes a joyful place to gather, a refuge for weary souls, and a community that reflects the light of Christ to the world.

    Unity Requires Effort

    Here’s the catch: unity doesn’t just happen. Gospel community is cultivated. Paul assumes that effort is required. It’s like he know that talks, apologies, patience, bearing with one another’s weaknesses must be a part of our relationships. It’s choosing peace when it would be easier to withdraw. It’s acting with kindness when bitterness tempts you.

    And it’s always anchored in the Gospel. Why? Because the cross reconciles us not only to God but also to one another. When we remember that Christ has torn down the walls of sin and built a bridge of peace, it becomes easier to step across to someone else.

    The Result: A Visible Gospel

    When a church practices peace, gratitude, and intentional unity, it doesn’t just feel good inside—it becomes a witness. A community like that points the world to the reconciling power of Christ. Strangers notice it. Members grow in faith and love. Hearts that were hardened begin to soften.

    Practical Takeaways

    • Start with your own heart: Are you walking in Christ’s peace personally? That’s where it begins.
    • Practice gratitude daily: Thank God for His work in your life and in others. Gratitude rewires how you see conflict and community.
    • Invest in relationships intentionally: Apologize, forgive, listen, and encourage. Unity is maintained brick by brick.

    A Gospel-shaped church isn’t perfect. It’s a family learning to live under the authority of Christ together. And when His peace rules and gratitude fills the hearts of His people, the world sees something different…something unmistakably Kingdom-shaped.

  • The Hidden Danger in Helping

    Why Pastoral Care Sometimes Hinders Growth—and How to Set Loving Boundaries

    In pastoral ministry, one of my greatest joys is walking with people as they grow in Christ. I listen, pray, teach, and encourage—often in moments of deep pain. But sometimes, a relationship that began in healthy discipleship can quietly shift into something else: dependency.

    What I Mean by “Dependency”

    I’m not talking about the beautiful, biblical kind of dependence on Christ or healthy mutual care within the church family. I’m talking about when a person begins to lean on you—their pastor, mentor, or friend—in a way that replaces leaning on the Lord or on the body of believers as a whole.

    In some cases, it may even become codependency, where both sides unintentionally reinforce the unhealthy attachment. In dependency, the burden flows mainly one way—the person becomes emotionally or spiritually reliant on a single relationship for stability, security, or identity.

    It can happen slowly, and it’s rarely intentional. But left unchecked, it stunts spiritual growth for both people and can become damaging over time.

    Red Flags of Unhealthy Dependency

    From experience, here are a few signs that a pastoral or mentoring relationship might have drifted from healthy discipleship toward dependency:

    1. Constant crisis contact – The person reaches out almost every time they feel hurt, anxious, or unsure—often before they pray or seek God’s Word themselves.
    2. Discomfort with absence – Even brief unavailability (a day or two without response) is interpreted as rejection or abandonment.
    3. Exclusive trust – They resist advice to seek counsel from others, especially within their own local church.
    4. Role confusion – They begin to see you as a surrogate parent, sibling, or sole confidant rather than a pastor or brother/sister in Christ.
    5. Emotional escalation – Conversations regularly spiral into intense emotions that center on your availability rather than on Christ’s sufficiency.
    6. Spiritual stagnation – Their walk with the Lord doesn’t seem to progress unless you are actively leading, prompting, or explaining.

    These aren’t signs to condemn someone—they’re signs to lovingly intervene before harm is done.

    Why It’s Spiritually Dangerous

    When we allow dependency to grow unchecked, the other person may begin to see us as their savior, refuge, or source of wisdom rather than Jesus Christ. In some cases, they may even avoid facing hard truths because our presence makes it easier to cope without real change.

    For the one providing care, the danger is more subtle: we can start to feel irreplaceable, needed, or even responsible for their spiritual life. That’s a burden only the Lord can carry.

    Setting Loving Boundaries

    Boundaries aren’t punishment. They’re a gift—both for the other person’s growth and for our own faithfulness. I haven’t always been good at this. But, I’ve tried to learn. Here’s how I try to set them with compassion:

    1. Affirm care and commitment
      Let them know you love them and are praying for them. Make it clear that the boundary is about helping them grow, not about rejection. “I care deeply for you, and I want to see you grow in Christ. That means I can’t be the only person you turn to for counsel. I want to encourage you to lean into Jesus and into your church family.”
    2. Clarify the role
      Remind them that your role is to equip and point them to Christ—not to replace Him.
    3. Encourage other connections
      Direct them toward pastors, small group leaders, or mature believers in their church. Encourage them to share questions or prayer requests with those people first.
    4. Set specific limits
      Define when and how you’ll respond to messages, and what kinds of conversations you can have.
    5. Release the outcome
      They may feel hurt or even accuse you of abandonment. You can’t control that. Your responsibility is to love them, pray for them, and trust the Holy Spirit to work.

    A Pastoral Encouragement

    It’s not easy to walk away from an unhealthy pattern, especially when the other person is hurting. I’ve had to do this myself, and it never feels good in the moment. But Scripture reminds us:

    “He must increase, but I must decrease.” – John 3:30

    If we truly want someone to grow, we must sometimes step out of the way so they can see Christ more clearly. That may mean they lean on others in the body, wrestle in prayer, or search Scripture themselves before reaching out.

    As shepherds, our call is to point to the Chief Shepherd. When someone moves from needing us to needing Him, even through painful boundaries, that’s not failure—it’s fruit.